tomistree

We have mid June but the weather feels like April or May here in Berlin. Surprising rain showers and shifts from 15 degrees to 25 degrees front and back within a day or so. My mood feels more like April too; in German we say Frühlingsgefühle – which pretty much resembles it very well; my emotions are shifting as much as the weather and that might be because I met someone. I ask myself if that’s ok since I got quite a complicated situation going on for a couple of years now. I guess someone meant a lot in these early twenties of mine, and even though I went through a heartbreak and pain and bla, I never made it to the point of letting go of that person. Now I am closer to that point than ever. Recently a friend told me something that made me realize should be told way earlier, by myself or by others. Sometimes we are blind to those obvious perspectives, even if it’s just for the sake of holding on to whatever means a lot to us. Anyways – she said how much work and pain I have put into this. How unbalanced this seems. How much I too deserve some ease and fun after all this time. Hearing this unexpected truth from someone else took me by surprise. I might have teared up a little. Not that I never cry lol. But these were actual tears of gratitude and realization. Realizing that I deserve something. It felt like hugging my own exhausted heart.